15th day of June at 11:39 in the evening, I was about going to bed when exactly my cell phone beeps with a very amusing message coming from an anonymous sender. The message stated this way, “I’m sorry if I disturb you. I just want to inform you that AJ is killed just this night. He was shot in front of their house…”
To be honest, I did not reply, no reaction on this news I’ve received. I even think it could be true. One thing on my mind the moment I read the text message was I’m just fooled. In deed, I still feel his presence of his voice laughing over the phone and crying when I exclaimed disgusting words against him. Yes, I can still draw his face on my mind very alive. But why haven’t I slept that night? I’m bothered and destructed the whole night without even thinking of him. With the mere fact he’s dead. Was AJ really there for me to bid goodbye? Not a sweet goodbye for sure. I was terribly awake terribly awake, the night seems daytime for me. I got to believe in so called “spirits” from that night on.
On the 16th day, at exactly 8:30 in the morning my phone rang again. Honestly, I felt shaking inside as I open the message. And so there it went; Rose finally confirmed to me what really happened. I am maybe too bad to reply her hurtful and unjust missives. Yes, I still don’t believe her from that moment. She may seem kidding at me so what I did, I called Ate Marj to confirm. Sadly I was answered with “Yes it’s true Lyn. He’s gone.” I felt so weak. I was down on my knees unnoticeably. Tears simply fell on my face. No words to say… Speechless… It’s just too hard to believe that someone in your past, who owed, died in this way.
He was a dear person to me. Someone opened my eyes to see the real meaning of life. The butterfly of my life who meant so much to me has passed away. Even if he made my whole world upside down, I still care. I was actually shocked. Don’t know what to do exactly. Should I scream, shout and outburst. Was it a curse? A curse what I’ve actually spoken out back in the times I was emotionally persecuted? Oh God, I did not mean to say those resentful words. I swear! It was obviously an extreme anger I was about to say. For how many days I can’t even sleep normally. As I lie down on my bed, closing my eyes I can feel it, someone’s watching over me inside my room. Even the music has filled up the entire room with serenity, and artificial air has blown out unnaturally still I am not scared. Instead, I am wishing to see him on my dream. Ask him for the last time, why do you have to go this way? I had set you free from the time I left your place. I actually didn’t call you mine from then on. Shall I say this is the real end for the promises? Which we believe can be reconciled some other day in our own way supposedly. But there’s no longer “You” can re-puzzle my life. It’s maybe too late for me to say “I loved you in a way”. If you’re listening to what my heart says, just be my star and remain my butterfly and guide me every night and day. Those pictures and memories you’ve left, especially BBJ, that only reminds me of you. As I let the butterfly flew, now I can officially say you’re free. Wherever you are, you’re the best page ever written of my life story though it ends up this worse. You’ll be the promising ghost butterfly of my dreams that I would have wanted to be with to watch over me.